Image source: favim
Have you ever had this gut-wrenching feeling? That feeling you often get when you see your college pic on your facebook feed just because a classmate of yours commented on how innocent everyone looked in it? that feeling when a college friend of yours told you that her notable memory of you is when you missed out on a Zoology field trip and a Physics exam, just because you were not aware of them?
And that's what she remembered you for --- clueless.
Yes. That's the feeling of self disownment. A part of you hated what you hear or see that it is just willing to dismiss it as somebody else'. You hated that group picture of you with your classmates.
The one with you in your big eyeglasses, not willing to crack up a smile because you were too afraid that your braces would show up and would appear as glare on photo; or that time when you were walking at the hallway of the right wing of the building, because know that your super duper crush is at the left wing and you just wanted to be far, far away because when the demigod is just 3 meters away from you you know, from experience, that you would make a complete donkey out of yourself.
Let's face it. We all had our times, and clearly enough, I had mine too. Too plenty to count even.
But if I were to turn back the hands of time, here are the things that I wish I could tell my 20 year old self.
At 20, 2004 it was, a 3rd year college girl having a full load and almost a bulk of my majors. This time, my bestfriend who constantly reminds me of the exams already transferred school, so this was my 'alone phase'.
1. People may come and go. Those close ones may have done things for you that you've never noticed much until they're gone. Cover the bases that they've covered for you. You've learned when they were around, and you'll also learn when they are not.
2. Treasure college friends. They'll be as close to you like family in the future.
3. Open up. Loosen up. College is more forgiving than highschool.
4. Smile. You're 10 times prettier when you do.
5. Don't fail that subject because you've hated your trigonometric professor ever since she'd written down cosigns and epsilons on the board on the very first day of class. You would be spending a summer at school when you were supposed to be at the beach chilling and sipping mango shake.
6. Take your mind off dieting. You'll be surprised that pounds will gradually shed off when you're not constantly pounding yourself to diet. It doesn't make sense but it works.
7. You made the right choice to quit the dance group. You very well know that the only way for you to enjoy dancing is not on stage but in the comforts of your room, all locked up and you dance like there's no tomorrow; like there was no one to please but yourself, with your only sole purpose is for you to fulfill your desire for self expression; no one to judge you for making one step too fast, too wide or too narrow, for every step, if when in the room, is just perfect and always on timing.
8. You are beautiful. Let it not get in your mind that you are not just because in their standards you're fat. You are beautiful. Even when no guy has told you that, even when the only girl who did was your prayer mate who complimented you when in a field trip, when you took extra effort combing your hair and you wore that red collared shirt which always makes you feel pretty even when it's already faded and raggedy.
9. Stop worrying too much about the future. Don't let it rob you off the joy of being a student. You wouldn't really figure it out. I haven't exactly figured it out yet. But maybe we'll really never going to figure out, and maybe doing what you love would be next to figuring it out, so might as well do just that.
10. Get in the habit of praying. When times are tough and roads rough, you'll just find yourself incapable of doing things. Just pray. There'll be mountains not too far ahead which would break you down, and tear you up. It's this time, my dear, for you to strengthen yourself in prayer.
0 comments:
Post a Comment