10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting into a Relationship.

I am no expert on love.  Almost nearing my 30's, I have had only 2 serious relationships to date, the first being my longest which lasted for 5 long years.  Having said that, I still feel that I have lot to learn.  And strange enough, it's only after 2 failed relationships did I start to really read about it in books and find out what went wrong.  Only then did I realize and did regret for not having educated myself beforehand.

 So to spare young ladies out there of the pain and confusion that a relationship sometimes bring, here is a post for you.  

1. Love is an investment.  Whether or not you got into a relationship half-assed or wholeheartedly, it will take a portion of your resources. It could take out more resources out of you more than you expected to, or more than you were willing to give out.  

2. Don't settle for an asshole. If that person had committed cheating before then he will do the same to you, unless of course they have matured, then yes, there might be a chance, but a slim chance at that.

3. Love takes work.   Boredom could spring out of routine.  At this point, something needs to be changed. It takes conscious effort to get things into stir again.

4. Never loose yourself in love.  When you're young and you haven't established who you are and who you aspire to be, it's easy to get lost in a relationship and life in general.  With the demands of a functional relationship, you get easily swayed by scenarios and choices, by opinions of people around you.  

5. Your happiness is your responsibility.  This is the area where I failed.  I don't know with you, but I'm a kind of person who can't function well knowing that an important part of my life is or, at least what I thought as to be dysfunctional.  It goes down.  I go down with it.  Sometimes we need to learn how to let go, to be numb, if need be, and hold on to an assurance that it will be better in time.  

6. Don't settle when it doesn't feel right.  Never give yourself out and commit to someone who hasn't proven his love to you in words AND in actions.  He needs to be deserving of your heart before you entrust it to him.  If you haven't made sure of that, then most likely you'll end up getting more pain than happiness.

7.  Don't get in a relationship just for the heck of it or because you're lonely. You don't get in a relationship so you can get a free shrink or a guidance counselor.  Get in a relationship with good and pure intentions which is to love and to be loved.

8. Don't feel forced to love someone just because they claimed that they would move mountains and split rivers for you.  No.  Take time to really get to know the person and sense his intentions.  When you see that words were just merely words,  then it's easy to pull out of it. Having said that, it's OK to say Thank you when I love you too isn't something that you truly feel like saying yet.  Don't worry, you're not being impolite for speaking the truth.

9.  Know yourself as an individual.  Know your principles, dreams and what you stand for.  Your partner would respect you more for it.  Plus, it would be easier for him to help you achieve whatever you want to achieve.

10.  Have a standard for men.  Know the qualities you want for a man as well as the red flags.  Get to know more the ones who have most checks on your list, and stay away from the red flag violators.