The Awkwardness of Being Saved.

Do you accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior?

With thumping heart, and rattling nerves,  I said yes, almost sounding like a shriek.  I was breathless.  I didn't have a choice.  I had vowed to make Christ as my personal Savior and live his way, 3 miles up n the air, 5 years ago while I was en route to Cebu.

The woman beside me was a missionary.  Seconds after we have settled on our chair, all buckled up and trying to make ourselves comfortable, she started a conversation.  She was at her 50's, short hair and stubby.  I even forgot how we started talking but somehow we had slithered our way to an interesting topic about her trip to Hongkong and Singapore and how she lived off the life as a missionary there.  I knew it wasn't just any conversation you get with anyone.  You know the one where you drop a line or two and both of you knew that the conversation should die down by giving subtle signals like closing the eyes, pretending to fall asleep or even succeeding at that, checking the phone or just looking away towards the window.

No.

 This one continued on.

And I knew it was pretty something because she was sharing many details to me. Heck she was even showing me some pictures of her son, which I thought for a second, she was trying to hook me up with because she found me pretty, but of course it wasn't the case.  Unfortunately it wasn't the case lol.

Her words have pretty much fallen on deaf ears by then because for me the conversation should have ended minutes ago and the whole thing just didn't make me feel comfortable.  I was partly scared.  In my mind, I was thinking, what if it was some modus operandi, or some scam, but that would have been unlikely because she doesn't look like a scammer.  Whatever it is the mere fact that she was sharing more details of herself felt like she wants something from me and that made me uneasy.  And next thing I knew she dropped the age old question...

"So shiela, do you accept Jesus as your personal savior?"

For me it sounded like "So Shiela, did you kill that guy?"

On a natural setting, I would probably contemplate, take it to heart and of course would naturally say yes.  But in this setting, when she dropped the bomb...  her voice sounded so loud for me that it seems like she was using a megaphone.  As far as I know, we were the only ones talking in the plane.  Actually she did 90% of the talking, and you know how that is when you are in an enclosed space and when you hear a couple talking and they are the only ones talking, even when they're just whispering they could be heard 3 or 5 seats back to front, actually to all periphery.  It felt like all those people were all ears, eager to hear my response.  I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and helpless because I really have no choice.  Of course I said yes.  Imagine the reaction of those people had I said no.  They would be aghast.  Judgments here, there every where, the thought of that caused me extreme pain.  So right away I said yes.

But I would have appreciate it more if it had been in a garden with only the two of us talking and we were surrounded with trees and bees and flowers, and fresh air.   Actually anywhere where we are the only two people and no one would hear us because truth be told things like that are really personal and is just fitting to be shared privately.   I would have said a more straight from the heart answer, and it would have been a more meaningful and a positive experience that way.